unreasonable and emotional about it

So, I'm paranoid about church right now. You've all read my complaints about church, about the old gossipy biddies who like to compare notes on my belly and surmise that if I bought a puppy, I MUST have miscarried. I may even have mentioned that, aside from our minister, whom we like VERY much, we don't really have any friends at our church. Not any. really. we've never been to dinner at anyone's house (well, I was at someone's house prior to babysitting for lunch after church--does that count?). Never hung out with anyone outside of church. I am not a super outgoing person, and I'm always afraid, on top of being shy, that people might not really like me, but might be nice about it. I don't want pity friends, so I tend to be hesitant unless people are clear and firm in their invitations. I realize it's not healthy; I work on it periodically. But this church is not helping things.
and that's what I'm dealing with now. Mid-October, I told our pastor that I was giving my notice. I wanted the Sunday before Christmas to be my last day in nursery (nursery duty and our pastor have been what tied us to the church...well, that and familiarity/ convenience, and the fact that we got married there). I'm tired of having every single Sunday chopped in half, so I can't visit other churches if I want to (you know me and my fixation with variety--I like to taste the different flavors of churches, Christians, and their worship styles, same as any other thing that offers varieties.), I find it hard to make plans with anyone for Sundays, and it takes up most of my morning. Forget going straight home after church and making a nice Sunday dinner like I remember my mom doing. I drag home, meet Brian, who's usually gone home separately before I do, and try to throw something together quickly, because I'm STARVING!
So, I gave notice. but they didn't find anyone. I don't know if they didn't look, or just weren't offering anything appealing enough for anyone legal to bite. I just know that the assumption seems to have been that I'll keep doing it til they find someone else. and I think I contributed to it, by hating to be firm with the minister and say, "Look, no. I'm sorry but I'm burned out. I want Sundays off for the first time in more than two years. and we want to look for a new church." But I didn't. because potential conflict makes me anxious, and I don't like being anxious.
Yesterday I didn't call church to say I wasn't going. I didn't go to church and do nursery. I just didn't get out of bed until it was too late to go to either service. Neither did Brian. we slept in and then watched polical news (since I am obsessed with the presidential race--talk about choices!!). I missed GOING to A church. I missed worship and communion. I didn't miss our church. I didn't miss staying for nursery. I have felt incredibly guilty about not calling out, although why should I call out, when they shouldn't expect me, because I said that I wanted to be done? but I allowed them to think I'd keep on doing it til they found someone. But I'm BURNED OUT--not a little, but A LOT! really burned out. Just want to go somewhere, and say hi to people, and meet fun, nice people our own age, and have music, contemporary AND traditional music, and some tradition, and some openness to God's Spirit moving around, and LIFE. I am tired of attending the whitest church north of the Mason-Dixon line. I am tired of not gaining any emotional sustainance from church. and I'm tired of feeling guilty about it.
I just need to decide what I'm doing next week. or during this week. or whatever. I need to work up the courage, I think, to have a conversation with the minister and explain that I am sorry, but I said I couldn't do it anymore, and I was right, and I can't. and say that I'm sorry, and we really like him, and would like to stay friends with him, but we need to find another church--more diverse, more youthful and excited about God. why is that so hard for me to say....oh, why? erg.
If I can work up the courage to have that conversation this week, I'll feel much better about subsequently visiting one of two "new" churches in the area--one of which is the local Presbyterian church which just so happens to have a young/ contemporary service at 9am, and the other (which one of Brian's young and nice coworkers attends with his wife and kids and has recommended) is in the area and is non-denominational, with a contemporary worship service (but I'm afraid they might be a little too conservative for a comfortable long term fit. we'll see...). So, I'll keep you all posted.
and thanks for not telling me I'm crazy, even when I act/ think like it.